I didn't make it to 5:45 a.m. yoga today and it's a shame, really. I like early-morning-yoga me better than I-can't-possibly-drag-my-ass-out-of -bed-at-7:30 me. Even though it's difficult to rouse myself at 5:30 to get to class on time, I find that getting up when Delaney wakes is even harder. I'm sure it's got something to do with the endorphins yoga provides or the 30 quiet minutes I get to myself in between class and Delaney waking up. I sip coffee, check my email, skim the news online, read a few blogs and then when she calls out to me on the monitor ("Mama? I can't find you. Come in here right now!") I'm ready to slip into mommy mode.
When I go from a deep sleep directly into mommy mode, the transition isn't as smooth. My eyelids are heavy with whatever dream ended abruptly at the sound of Delaney's voice. My body rebels at movement and prefers to stay horizontal while my brain struggles to bring me upright. Caffeine is at least a diaper change away. I try to get a healthy breakfast together for Delaney all while checking work email and catching the news. Our normal mornings aren't hectic, exactly, but they're less organized and definitely less blissed out than those (very) few mornings I've gone to the gym before 7am.
While I've learned that things tend to run more smoothly after I've attended the early morning yoga class or jumped on the elliptical machine, knowing that hasn't made me eager to do it again. Why? Why is it easier for me to stay in my rut than to make a change that will benefit me (and probably my family) greatly? Why is it so hard for me to evolve?