Mama Maven: Reviews from The Delaney Diaries

The Time I Need to Read Isn't Visible From Here

There's a first time for everything. My first smile as a baby. Driving my dad's car for the first time after getting my driver's license. My first (legal) drink at the age of 21. And the first time I didn't finish reading a book in time to write a review. I had every intention of finishing Felicia Sulllivan's compelling memoir, The Sky Isn't Visible From Here, by today. I had (on paper) plenty of time to read the entire book. But handling the demands of my new life as a mother of two overshadowed my desire to plow through this engaging work as quickly as I normally would have.

When Delaney was a baby I read tons of books while nursing her. When the chance to read this book came up through The Parent Bloggers Network, I agreed to do it because a.) it was something in which I was very interested and b.) because I thought I'd be tied to the couch for hours on end nursing Waylon and reading tons more books. What I didn't count on was the obvious: this time around it isn't just me and a baby sitting around enjoying literature and the occasional trashy novel (or, as my husband calls it, "chick lit."). This time it's me, a baby and a boisterous, time-sucking preschooler who must be reckoned with at all hours of the day ("Mommy, watch this show with me! Mommy, play PlayDoh with me! Mommy, paint with MEEEEEEEE!"). So, I didn't finish the book on time. But finish it (eventually) I will because if it weren't for the bottoms I have to wipe, the mountains of laundry I have to do and the sleep I need to catch, I wouldn't be able to put this book down.

Reading Sullivan's gripping account of her (to put it mildly) turbulent childhood is unnervingly addictive, much like her mother's unfortunate love of cocaine. Her writing style is smooth, descriptive and engaging. Reading Sky makes me feel as though I'm chatting with Sullivan in a corner of a dark, smoky bar while sipping a glass of cabernet as I hang on her every divulged secret. But don't let that lead you to believe that this book is a bunch of gossipy fun. This is a difficult book to read, especially as a mother. I had a nearly idyllic childhood and I hope to provide my children with the same. Coming from that background left me naiive about the ways of the hard, cruel world some people inhabit. Reading Sullivan's story underscored for me that not every child, although entitled to a wonderful life full of love, gets it. No child should have to endure the neglect, the abuse, the abandonment that Sullivan did: being abused by her mother's boyfriend, Eddie; watching her aunt try to shoot up drugs when she was eight; never knowing the truth about who or where her father was; and, at the tender age of ten, being an expert at taking her mother to the emergency room whenever she OD'ed. Even more amazing than Sullivan's survival of those horrible things is how she's pulled herself together, including battling substance abuse herself, to tell her courageous story.

No I haven't finished this book yet, but you can bet I will. I want to read Sullivan's full story. I need to learn how a woman who endured so much pain was still able to turn her life around and emerge, not only as a functioning human being, but as a stunning literary success.

The Parent Bloggers Network is giving away a copy of The Sky Isn't Visible from Here. Just visit this post and leave a comment to be eligible to win.

Deceptively Delicious

Let me begin by stating something that's already obvious to some of you: I do not cook. My husband affectionately says that when I walk into a kitchen my IQ drops 40 points and my eyes glaze over; you know the same thing that happens to a man when he enters a gentleman's club. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but he's right. I've had more mishaps in the kitchen than the number of issues Bush has had in Iraq (so yeah, a LOT). Sure, I've been known to throw together the occasional quiche to take the burden off of my culinarily-skilled husband but doing that is barely cooking. Still, I'd like to be able to help him out by creating actual meals from time to time so he doesn't have to rush home from work every day and start crackin' in the kitchen. Learning to cook healthy meals would be a bonus too. So, when The Parent Bloggers Network asked me if I'd like to review, Deceptively Delicious, written by Jessica Seinfeld  (yep, Jerry's wife!), I took it on as a challenge.

The premise of the book is that you can hide healthful, pureed vegetables and fruit in almost any recipe to ensure that your kids are getting proper nutrition. The good news for me? I'd pureed tons of fresh fruit and veggies for Delaney when she was starting solids so I had a little background using steamers, baking vegetables and whipping out our tiny Cuisinart food processor. But, as I thumbed through the book for the first time I felt out of my league. One of the reasons I don't cook is that recipes overwhelm me with their lengthy ingredient lists and complicated directions and I simply don't have the patience for all the stuff you have to do when you cook. Wash, peel, chop, mix, braise, roast. Ugh. Unlike how my husband enjoys cooking and trying out new recipes, it all seems so daunting and impossible to me and it causes me more way more stress than pleasure.

I figured I should start with something simple so I decided to tackle the Creamy Potato Soup from the dinner section on page 128. I thought that I could make it ahead of time so that when we needed something quick for supper I'd heat it up and pair it with a salad to make a complete meal. Imagine my shock and horror to find that Jessica wanted me to put cauliflower into this soup. I'll confess here that I have never, in my life, eaten cauliflower. It looks like broccoli's poor cousin, devoid of color or any redeeming qualities. But, I supposed she had a good reason for adding it to the recipe so I purchased my first head of the stuff.

The recipe called for pureeing cauliflower and butternut squash, a process that in and of itself took me more than an hour to do. In addition, I found that measuring and packaging the purees for future use, as described in the book, was a very messy process. Nevertheless I continued and finished preparing the soup. My finished product didn't look as white (or quite as lovely) as the photograph of it on page 129. Instead my soup had an orange tint (Did I use too much butternut squash? Or not enough potato? It's possible. I told you, I'm hopeless in the kitchen!) but tasted pretty good when I sampled it. The true taste test came when Delaney and Roger tried it. Delaney actually ate it, which surprised me as most new foods tend to put her off. Roger complained that it tasted too "vegetably" to him. As I ate more of it I had to agree with him. The flavors of cauliflower and squash seemed to overpower the potatoes. The Verdict? Overall the soup was OK and definitely edible but probably not something I'd make again.

The second recipe I tried was from the dessert section of the book: oatmeal cookies. The photo made me drool and Jessica's claim that these are Jerry's favorite cookies made me even more eager to try them. Imagine my disappointment when my cookies came out looking completely different from the photo in the book and they were nearly inedible. I followed the recipe religiously but no matter what I did I couldn't seem to get them to bake thoroughly. When they came out wet and limp after the recommended time in the oven I put them back in for longer than the recommended time thinking that my oven's temperature must not be properly calibrated. That didn't help. The recipe called for zucchini and cauliflower purees and my only guess about what went wrong was that the veggies contained too much moisture to hold together. The cookies fell apart into damp bits after just one bite and after storing them in a half-opened Ziplock bag overnight I couldn't remove them from the bag without having them completely fall apart. I hate to blame the recipe but I followed it with precision. The verdict? Definitely not something I'll make again.

Since I was 0 for 2 attempts I wanted to find a recipe in the book that was easy to follow and one that would hopefully yield better results. I tried the banana bread recipe from the breakfast section on page 54. It was simple and even, dare I say it, fun to follow (except for the part where I forgot to zip my Ziplock bag containing the dry ingredients and I sprayed them all over myself and the kitchen as I shook the bag to mix it all together. It was a total I Love Lucy moment!). The resulting banana bread tasted pretty good. It even contains cauliflower and I don't think you'd ever be able to taste it if you didn't already know it was in there. The verdict? I'd make this one again. The fact that this recipe turned out well gives me confidence to try some of the others in the book.

Deceptively Delicious is a colorful, pretty, whimsically-designed book featuring gorgeous food photography (which tends to sell me on any cook book) and illustrations of Jessica and her family that are reminiscent of the 50s. I like how the nutritional benefits of each fruit/vegetable were explained by nutritionist Joy Bauer so I understood why I was asked to add strange things like cauliflower to a cookie recipe.

If I could add anything to this book it would be tabs for the three main recipe sections, tips on cutting through butternut squash with a knife (I had lots of trouble with that!) and better suggestions for measuring and packaging the purees.

My husband originally told me that he thought the idea of this book was silly. He wanted to know why any parent worth their salt should try to hide fruits and vegetables in their kids' foods instead of teaching them to eat the foods themselves. I explained it to him this way: if I have a choice between feeding our daughter a processed, packaged cookie or a homemade brownie chock full of hidden veggie goodness? I'll chose the homemade brownie every time. And, once I explained it that way, he started to see the light.

Be sure to visit The Parent Bloggers Network for other reviews about Deceptively Delicious.

Body, Soul, and Baby by Tracy W. Gaudet, M.D.

As you know (or have gathered from my blatant header), I'm pregnant with our second child. While I'd wanted and hoped for this pregnancy for a long time, the reality of adding another child to our family, along with the horrible morning sickness and exhaustion I'd been living with for weeks, was making me question our decision to have another baby (although it's kinda too late for that!). I was sick, depressed and hadn't spent any time at all tuning in to myself, my baby or my body.

Enter Body, Soul, and Baby (BSB). This book arrived on my doorstep from The Parent Bloggers Network in the nick of time. It's written by Tracy Gaudet, the director of the Duke Center for Integrative Medicine. My predilection for complementary alternative therapies (I'd practiced hypnosis to prepare for Delaney's birth and had used hypnosis successfully in the past to lose weight) made me curious to see what BSB had to offer and frankly I was desperate for a new way to view my daunting and, up until that point, unhappy pregnancy.

When I was pregnant for the first time with Delaney I read practically every pregnancy book available and still wanted to read more. This time around, I decided not to read or even reread pregnancy books. But this book seemed different. One evening while Roger was putting Delaney to bed and I was lying on the couch trying not to die, I picked up, Body, Soul, and Baby and started to change the way I'd been thinking about my pregnancy.

Early into the introduction, a question caught my attention: "Will you tune in...or miss out?" The answer was obvious. I was missing out. And it's easy to see why. When you feel as physically miserable as I'd been feeling (unable to eat, throwing up, losing weight and having zero energy), it's all you focus on. What Gaudet explained is that I needed to see beyond how I was feeling and try to get in touch with why I was feeling that way.

Yes, my hormones were obviously in charge and they mercilessly drilled me into the ground. There wasn't much I could do about that, but I could work on changing my attitude about this pregnancy and look at it as a blessing taking place in my body rather than an enemy that's turned me into a bitchy shrew. It seemed like a small thing to do, but just changing my mindset helped me feel a bit better. And, of course, as the weeks have gone by the nausea finally started to loosen its grip (at about week 15), the painful acne began to retreat and now I'm getting excited about being pregnant for the first time since the stick turned pink.

Gaudet offers very specific tools such as mental body scans; dialoguing with yourself about how you're feeling; dreamagery (using your imagination to connect with your subconscious); and journaling to guide you through a connected and mindful pregnancy. I enjoyed reading about the tools and Gaudet's approach is certainly one I would have followed to the letter during my first pregnancy. I'd even recommend it to other soon-to-be-moms.

But if I'm being honest, between raising a toddler, working from home and the various other obligations  I have, I just don't make time to sit, be silent and listen to my body. I have, however, started checking in regularly with my baby after reading this book. I talk to my unborn child to tell him/her that even though he/she is making my life hellish right now, I love him/her and I understand that this difficult period will be worth it. After reading BSB, I've made this a nightly practice and it's making a difference in how connected I already feel to my child.

I wish I'd had this book leading me through my first pregnancy back in 2004-5. I admit I'm a little jaded now. Knowing that I'll have a scheduled C-section this time around and knowing what to expect from that situation makes me less doubtful of the birth experience I'll have. I don't feel that I have to work as hard this time to understand everything that's happening because I already  know.

Still, Gaudet's book is extremely informational and educational and she opened my eyes to things I'd never considered like (duh!) I can use hypnosis again even though I know I'm having a C-section this time. She reminded me that, "presurgical hypnosis has also been shown to speed healing," a fact I believe to be true from my own experience using it for several weeks as I prepared for my labor, delivery and eventual C-section with Delaney. And, although I'm pretty set on a repeat C-section, I'm exploring the section titled, "How to make a conscious choice about trying a VBAC," which includes tools I can use to help me figure out which course of delivery is best for me, my body and my baby. Who knows? Maybe the VBAC I never considered is actually the way I should go. This is an option that frankly hadn't occurred to me prior to reading BSB and I'm glad Gaudet's got me exploring the option.

Body, Soul, and Baby is exactly the kind of pregnancy book I would have devoured in mere days during my first pregnancy, especially since it's so different from all of the others out there. Gaudet's background in integrative medicine provides a refreshing viewpoint of the journey of preconception, pregnancy and the postpartum period and I'm glad I got the chance to read it during my second (and as Roger insists, LAST) go-round at this pregnancy thing.

The Yummy Mummy

A review I wrote recently for MusingMama.com:

Participate in the MusingMama.com "Yummy Mummy" Giveaway!

Leave a comment with your name and email address (email address won't be published publicly) on the "Yummy Mummy" blog post at MamaMinutes this week to enter yourself into a drawing for a copy of the book. Comments will be accepted until midnight (CST) on Friday, March 9. A winner will be announced in a blog post on MamaMinutes on Monday, March 12. Good luck!

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The cat's out of the bag. I'm not a yummy mummy. I'm no fashion plate, preferring blue jeans and T-shirts to Dolce & Gabbana's latest frock. My Birkenstocks are the closest thing to high heels that I own. The cheap CoverGirl powder and lipstick I smear across my face, when I take the time to do so, reveals my inexperience and ambivalence about the art of makeup application. I rarely remember to get my hair cut or highlighted and, when I do, my style's nothing short of practical. But as technically yummy as I'm not, I'm definitely all mummy and therefore can relate to Amy Crane, the heroine in Polly Williams' new novel, "The Yummy Mummy."

As a first-time mother leaving work for a year to stay home with her infant daughter, Amy struggles with the usual problems most new mothers face: feeling unattractive and having no time for basic hygiene let alone pampering; a complete lack of sex drive; and utter exhaustion. But that's not all. Amy's also afraid her boyfriend, and father to her baby daughter Evie, is straying and that he has been since she was pregnant. This takes the story on a heady turn later in the book. But first, Amy meets Alice, a "yummy mummy."

Pilates-toned Alice is gorgeous, supple, well-put-together and appears to handle motherhood without a hitch. She's everything Amy yearns to be. During a girls' night out, Alice convinces Amy that under her guidance and instruction she, too, can become a yummy mummy. And because Amy's as short on self-confidence as she is on sleep and thinks she needs a makeover to secure Joe's undying love, Amy agrees and embarks upon, "the mother of all makeovers."

"The Yummy Mummy" starts slowly but picks up pace as Amy's makeover becomes complete and she gains the confidence to confront Joe about her suspicions. Is Joe cheating? Is Amy's transformation to yummy mummy all it's cracked up to be? And is Pilates the cure for what ails us all? I urge you to read Williams' highly-entertaining novel to find out.

Williams' writing style is a bit more high-brow than most chick lit. Her descriptions are vivid and she does a remarkable job of capturing what it's really like navigating the tangled jungle of early motherhood. I found myself nodding in agreement with many of the passages and phrases Williams used to describe what Amy's going through:

"Having a baby is like belonging to an exclusive dating club, or being Jewish. You get introduced. Just not to women you want to date. Most of them you've got nothing in common with but exhaustion, which limits conversation rather."

Been there. More than once.

"Is the ability to miss your baby so viscerally, even when you're supposed to be enjoying a night off, just another of nature's tricks to make mothers stay at home?"

I've wondered that a time or two myself while sipping a glass of chardonnay with the girls.

"I was sold the line that becoming a mother meant immediate membership into some kind of club."

Me too, but I've yet to find where they hold the secret meetings.