This post is a part of Love Thursday, created by Karen and Irene.
One of my yoga instructors returned to class today after a three-week absence due to her mother's death. I thought about her a lot when she was away. Following a long illness, her mother's death was not unexpected, but I still couldn't imagine what she was going through.
She started class today by telling us that, like her, her mother was a yogi and that she raised nine children. She wanted to share a poem with us that she and her siblings found marked as a favorite in one of her mother's books because it personified her mother's yogic life. The poem was vivid and gorgeous (or perhaps it was her reading of it that was) and I wish now that I'd asked her for a copy after class, but I couldn't. I was too tearful, moved partly by the poem's lovely words, but more by my instructor who broke down and cried as she read. It was obvious she hadn't expected that to happen. As I sat in half-lotus with my eyes closed and hands in prayer position, tears spilled down my face. In a flash, the empathy I felt for my instructor turned into thoughts of my own mother. Of my daughter. Of what will happen to me when my mother is gone. And about my daughter losing me one day too.
My mother and I are insanely close. We talk daily, if not several times each day. We're the best of friends. Now that I'm older I can tell her anything. Well, almost anything (*wink*). She knows me. She sees through me. She patiently tolerates my incessant babbling. Sometimes she doesn't understand me. But, she truly loves the best and worst of me no matter what. She's my rock and I fear that without her my world will crumble.
This morning's yoga class opened my eyes. I realized that I will die someday too, leaving Delaney motherless. I pray to God it's not until she's much, much older and after I've had the time to fill her to the brim with my love, the time to teach her everything I can and the time to weave a tapestry of friendship between us. I want to instill deep within her my Motherlove so no matter where she is or where she goes, I'll be with her just as my mother will always be with me.
That was so touching.
You can fill Delaney up to the brim with your love, and she will STILL be heartbroken when you are no longer with her. Maybe she will be heartbroken BECAUSE you filled her to the brim. I think that the more love you get from someone, the more love you need from them. We can be overflowing with love from someone and still need them to keep pouring on the love. Thankfully, it is a cup that stays full as long as you remmeber someone. What a nice thing, this love.
Posted by: MamaChristy | August 24, 2006 at 06:06 PM
What beautiful words. Thank you for sharing.
Happy Love Thursday,
K.
Posted by: Chookooloonks | August 24, 2006 at 09:48 PM
Delaney is a lucky girl, and so are you. My mother and I haven't spoken in a year and a half. You're lucky to have a loving, healthy relationship with your mother.
I have had one mantra, as a mom to my kids. No matter how many mistakes I make and how crazy I drive them making them wash behind their ears and do their homework.....every single day, no matter what, as long as they know that they are LOVED, I will have accomplished my biggest goal. Just to love them, every day, without fail, and that they lay their heads on their pillow at night and know it, without question.
Delaney will know that too, because it's important for you to make sure she does.
:)
Posted by: Sonia | August 24, 2006 at 11:14 PM
what a touching post.
Posted by: Irene | August 25, 2006 at 01:06 AM
OHhh, *sniff* don't do that to me! Warn a woman to grab a tissue or something!
Lovely. And well said. :-)
(p.S. you totally look like my friend Marla from Houston. Curly hair and glasses. Ok, that can be almost anyone, but you remind me of her. Heh. And I LOVE that picture. You are both so happy!)
Posted by: Mrs. Flinger | August 26, 2006 at 12:51 AM
That post and that photo are simply beautiful.
Posted by: Jamie | August 28, 2006 at 11:57 AM