To tie or not to tie, that was the question

"OK. We're ready to schedule your C-section this visit. Have you decided whether or not you want your tubes tied yet?" my OB asked.

"I've decided we can skip that portion of the program, thanks," I replied.

"You do know that it's a simple procedure I can take care of since I'll have you open anyway?"

"Yes, but I have my reasons. If you must know, and this may sound morbid, my husband is 18 years older than me. And, although I'm no a spring chicken myself, I have to wonder what I'd want if something ever happened to him. I mean, what if he was gone and eventually I fell in love with someone else, someone who didn't have kids and he loved me too but he couldn't see get married to someone who can't have kids with him? Tying my tubes seems so...final. See? Morbid. But, I think about these things. Is that crazy?"

"No," she replied. "Makes sense to me. But let me know if you change your mind. You said you were done having children after this one and it's a simple procedure."

"I am done having kids after this little guy shows up. I can't imagine going through another first trimester again. Ugh. But I feel it's only fair to keep my options open. God. There I go again with the morbid stuff. I don't ever want to imagine my husband gone but with the age thing I have to factor it in as a possibility someday. Him? He's 100% sure he's done having kids. I'm wife #3 and even if something happened to me, he'd saw IT off before he'd hook up and have another kid with somebody again. Ball's in his court, so to speak. The snipping is all but scheduled."

What do you think? Is it crazy not to get your tubes tied when you feel done with having kids? And after two C-sections isn't it rational for me to ask Roger to do his part and get the boys unhooked for good?

Comments

[mamasutra]

Nope, completely rational. As much as I disliked being on the pill, I'd much rather commit to being on that indefinitely than go the surgical route; I'd definitely vote for keeping one's options open.

[Julie]

So many other things you can do. I understand your choice.

Julie
Using My Words

[Allison]

Definitely not crazy. If you're not 100% sure, and your hubby is, let HIM get fixed. And you never know what life will throw at you -- morbid thoughts aside, you could both just change your minds... in which case a vasectomy is easier to reverse. :)

[Andy]

We say we're 100% sure we're done and yet I could not convince myself to do it either.

[Nicole]

also skipping that chapter, and for the same reason, despite the fact that my husband is my age and presumably healthy. the pessimist in me says divorce happens, death happens, and while I don't anticipate either of those things, getting sterilized is just TOO FINAL at this point.

[debra]

If you are not 100% committed to it, then don't do it. For me, tubal ligation saved my life (and I have no kids). Literally. So I'll support in any way someone's decision to become voluntarily sterile, but at the same time, I support not making that choice either.

Choice.. that's what it's all about. And if your hubby knows that he is for sure through.. then, yes, he is the one who needs to take action.