I write prolifically in my head. Most of it never makes it to the blog. Like Pinky Dinky Doo, "I think and think and think and think," but I think too much and I write too little. So, here it goes - a blurt straight from brain to blog.
I'm sitting amidst boxes and freshly painted walls. The house is dirty and in disarray. We're moving but not for another month and a half. First we have to get this house ready to sell. We've been working on it for weeks. Well, Roger's been working on it. I've been keeping the kids busy and out of his way.
I think about our new house all the time. I fantasize about what life will be like there. How it will be so much more perfect than it is here in our shoebox. How we'll have pockets of quiet to be enjoyed for reading and writing instead of trying to write while sitting in one room with a noisy TV airing repetitive political commentary which generally interests me but is currently boring a hole in my brain. I'm putting a lot of pressure on our new house to round me out, make me a better person, as if this tiny house we've lived in for almost seven years can alone be blamed for my shortcomings as a wife, mother, human. That somehow, having additional space, a walk-in closet, the ability to do laundry indoors, more than one bathroom will transform me into Martha Stewart. Hell, I've even had fantasies that I start cooking and cleaning because this house will inspire me to take on the impossible. June Cleaver, watch out.
"When we live in our new house, we'll have more room. I'll organize things. I'll organize my life. I'll be a newer, better, happier me. I'll work more, write more, read more, mother better and have sex at least three times a week with my husband. The kids will watch less TV. We'll do more arts and crafts. We'll take long walks and go to the nearby park. I'll keep up with housework and come up with a schedule for cleaning, rotating the rooms I clean each week so the entire house is cleaned at least once each month!"
Is it crazy to think a house could make me that happy, that productive? Stay tuned.