The Delaney and Waylon Diaries

Proud as a...

My costume won first place at the neighborhood Halloween fair!
I took home prizes worth the same amount as my costume cost.
That made Mama pretty happy.

But what Mama loved the most was the fact that the neighborhood mothers
were truly happy for me and not jealous at all.




I haven't quite figured out yet why I was in public dressed as an animal trolling for candy. I mean, FREE CANDY? There's gotta be a catch.

I can tell you, however, that all this Halloween stuff can wear a gal out.

And anyway, I much prefer dressing as an animal in the privacy of my
own home, candy be damned. Mama probably won't let me eat it anyway.

Nineteen months - The Joy of Pudding

At nineteen months Delaney's an inquisitive little darling. She points to everything (and I mean everything) and says, "Wassat?" The funniest time she said this was when Roger stepped out of the shower the other day and Delaney looked him up and down and then with a puzzled look on her face pointed to his nether regions and asked, "Daddy, wassat?" That's when we knew it was time to implement a "closed door" policy regarding shower time.

Other favorite Delaney phrases at this tender and delightful, yet mildly demanding, age include:

"Mama help."

"Daddy say, "(insert Delaney's imitation of icky man-throat-clearing noise here)."

"Onna nap."

"Onna touch (insert the name of every object known to man here)."

She can also name and identify colors ("puh-poh, geen, orandage, lello, boo, raid, back, white, bown, peenk") and she's starting to identify letters and numbers too.

She's becoming a master imitator, copying not only our words and phrases with uncanny clarity, but also imitating the expressions on people's faces in photos and those of the characters in her books as well as the yoga poses displayed on my yoga DVD cases. Nothing impresses guests more, I assure you, than a 19-month-old falling into a perfect downward-facing dog or executing a prayer twist.

As far as her food allergies/sensitivities go, she's still got 'em. I continue sampling dairy for her every now and then but the result's always the same: hives around her mouth. During a recent freak accident/bad mama moment she spilled my (thankfully lukewarm) mocha latte all over her face, neck and chest, but ingested nary a drop. Still the hives sprung up within a minute, covering her like a plague but disappearing completely within an hour. We've yet to meet a doctor who can explain her contact allergy to dairy and we continue to hope and pray that she'll grow out of it.

On the food upside, Delaney likes spinach (of the frozen-and-then-cooked variety, rather than fresh...she's got some strange aversion to ecoli. Go figure.) which I totally did not expect. Like most toddlers, her appetite varies from day to day and I try not to freak out on days where it seems that she's barely touched any of the food I prepared for her.

She's all but stopped scratching babies and other kids. Well, OK. She still does it once in a while but not often and only when provoked as compared to her previous M.O. of doing it merely for sport. We're definitely making progress. The hilarious thing about this is that she's decided that even though she's not going to scratch, she threatens me that she's going to do it. She gets her frustrations out by yelling at me, "Skatch babies!" or, "Skatch Nana!" when she's tired, angry or pissed off that she's not getting her way. The cool thing is that now she's all talk and no action. And after about eight months of fighting this beastly scratching behavior, it's about damn time.

Delaney and Thelma have a passing acquaintanceship these days. She's peed and pooped in the potty one time each right before a bathtime. We don't put her on the pot every day but will probably start doing it more and more since we've had these couple of successes. She's much more interested lately so maybe we're close to the right time to start the full-on training.

These days, in addition to her deep and abiding love for playing with her shape separator (which also has little doors she can lock and unlock--she adores opening things with keys) Delaney enjoys washing her hands in the big people's sink and she's discovered the wonderful worlds of Nemo and Ariel, frequently demanding, "Watcha moimaid! Watcha sish!" I think Sesame Street's got some competition.

Shrinkage, Part 2

It appears that my bra size isn't the only thing shrinking these days. Delaney's naps are shriveling too as she shifts from two daily naps to one. Sadly, I'm more accepting of my droopy Girls than I am of this change in what has been, up until recently, a dream nap schedule. I knew it would happen sooner or later. I read somewhere that between 12 and 18 months of age toddlers start transitioning to one nap a day. But like the denial I held about losing the volume of my pregnancy locks postpartum and the deep-seated denial I had about the shrinking of my ta-tas, I also thought we'd somehow escape this toddler transition and keep two naps a day until she was, oh I don't know, five maybe? No suck luck.

I'm trying to adapt to this change. Should I keep her nap time in the morning when she always tended to take the longest nap of the day? Or should I move the now once-daily nap so that it falls after lunch? That way we'll be free to participate in morning activities and I can fill my afternoons with work while Delaney sleeps. Or am I overconfident that I'll even be able to impose my will upon her nap schedule? What makes me think I can control the timing of Delaney's naps any more than I've been able to control anything else in this strange, yet beautiful, toddler universe?

Eighteen months

Delaney celebrated her 18 months with an intermittent hacking cough that kept her up nearly three hours past her bedtime. Girl knows how to party. She's been sick on and off since Wednesday night and just when we think her little cold is gone it reincarnates itself.

I thought I'd celebrate by mentioning some of the sweet and funny things she's been saying lately:

My personal favorites: Hold you, Mama! and Hold you, Daay! (daddy)

Aggin. - Said primarily to get me to sing, in my completely off-key voice, the song I just sang -- the notes of which were responsible for killing at least three birds a few doors down.

Delaney's best example of understanding cause and effect: Skatch! Babies ky. Otherwise known as Delaney's catchphrase: "Scratch! Babies cry," and variations on a theme which include: Peench! Mama ky.

Get back! Said with hand stuck out in front of her as some do when saying, "Oh no, you di' nt!" and her even more hilarious versions using our full names: Get back, Roger ______! or Get back Cah-yeen ______! both statements that greet us frequently first thing in the morning over the monitor.

Cheesebugger - AKA the beagle next door who was named by his then-six-year-old master for his favorite food.

Puhkin - "Pumpkin"

Moore puff. - Her request for more Veggie Booty (a toddler delicacy).

Boo boo hut - Said while pointing to her mummified-from-sucking thumb on her right hand

Ina eet ma cacker. - "I'm going to eat my cracker."

Daay wok. - "Daddy's at work."

Bubba baff - "Bubble bath."

Bakin head - Said while running a piece of bacon through her hair. She's classy like that. Must take after her mama.

I did it and it didn't even hurt (much)

I had my pow-wow with a gym daycare supervisor yesterday. It had been a whole week since Delaney and I had been there but that was apparently the amount of time I needed to process everything and have the epiphany that was neccesarry for me to move foward. The daycare supervisor who rattled me last week wasn't there (Gallbladder surgery! Karma?) but I learned that she's not the only one in charge. There are three supervisors (one for days, one for evenings and one for weekends) and I spoke to the weekend supervisor who was filling in for my daytime supervising friend. I said and did everything I intended to with grace and respect and was even able to supress the swell of emotion and tears that wanted desparately to spout forth as I spoke. Yay, me!

The weekend supervisor was lovely. She listened to me, commented appropriately and even agreed with me. She said she'd round up the staff and discuss everything with them and before I'd even closed the daycare door behind me I heard her begin a meeting about it with everyone.

When I returned from yoga to pick Delaney up, three of the ladies came over to me and told me what a great job Delaney did. She only tried to scratch one kid and they were able to thwart her attempt. They'd kept her busy by letting her play with the older kids (2-4 year-olds) and I think that was a brilliant idea. She's definitely in awe of the bigger children and there's so much more for her to see and do in that area of the daycare. It kept her busy and focused on other things which was great. The ladies there all seem to love Delaney and want her to succeed at being gentle and kind which really helps. It was a wonderful experience and the realization that they were so willing to work with me put my mind at ease.

Score one for the home team. Hurray!

Just be the mother

In the shower today I had another of my "Just be the mother!" moments. I realized that I wasn't truly being Delaney's mother, or at least the one she needed me to be, when the gym daycare director hinted that they may not let her back if she keeps scratching. I don't know why it took four days for me to figure that out. Or why I only stood there giving excuses for Delaney's behavior and flubbing up my explanation of what we're doing to stop the problem. I passively allowed the twenty-something, most-likely-not-a-parent daycare director to ever-so-subtly pass judgment upon how I'm handling (or as she probably thinks, not handling) the situation instead of smartly enlisting her help.

I've gotten great comments and advice from you all on how to handle this problem. I've spoken at length this week with family and friends, getting their opinions. I've visited on-line parenting communities and advice boards ad nauseam. So I can say, unequivocally, that Roger and I are doing everything we can to curb Delaney's scratching. And I think what it comes down to, as her pediatrician told us three months ago, is that it's quite possible that none of what we're doing may make a difference. It may very well be that all Delaney needs is the passage of time to grow beyond this unpleasant phase.

As I thought about all of this it occurred to me that I need to schedule an appointment to speak to the daycare director. As diplomatically as possible I need to explain to her the probability that Delaney's undesirable behavior may not stop any time soon. I need her to know that we need cooperation from her and her staff in supervising Delaney and pre-empting her scratching with other distractions, as that tactic worked wonderfully for me when we encountered other kids this week. I'll tell her that Delaney is too young for time outs. I'll listen patiently to her response and then I'll enlist her support. And if she can't give it to us then we may need to take a break from the gym and their daycare for a while, sad as that makes me.

Sometimes I forget that I am the mother. Delaney's mother. When confronted by the daycare director I reverted into that people-pleasing girl who didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings even when she thinks they're wrong. But being that girl and being a mother are completely at odds with each other. A mother can't sit by and let the world happen to her child. It's my responsibility to speak intelligently on Delaney's behalf because she can't yet. I must make the best decisions I can for her and stand up for her against anyone and anything. It took me four days to get that, really get it, but I finally did.

Who knows? Maybe each day I'm becoming more the mother Delaney needs me to be. Hopefully I'll figure things out more quickly next time and possibly even faster the time after that. I just need to be her mother. Sometimes a little reminder of that is what it takes.

I could cry

My first set of tears is from pure relief and joy that it's SO beautiful outside. In fact, I'm sitting on our deck enjoying the cool--YES, COOL!--breeze and it's only 80 degrees right now. The humidity is low and it's gorgeous! While it's definitely been cooler the last week or two than it was over the ridiculously hot summer, today is by far the most wonderful day we've had since last spring. Thank God. I was getting depressed by the unrelenting heat and lack of rain. It's rained twice (maybe even three times?) in the last two weeks. Fall is looking up already!

My second set of tears is over the frustration I'm feeling as a mother who can't seem to solve her child's number one, and really only, problem. But, let me start by telling you about the lovely morning we shared.

Delaney and I went to library lapsit story hour for the first time today. It's for 0-18 month-olds and it was fantastic! There were babies of all ages up to about 3 years and Delaney sat quietly on my lap listening to the stories and songs. After the formal part of the program they had free play time with more books and lots of toys. And, there's a really nice playground right next door to the library where we played afterwards. Delaney was reluctant to swing or climb but I think the more we go the more she'll like it. All I could think was, "Why haven't we done this before???" Maybe if we'd been going since she was born I'd have made some new friends by now. Many of the parents (there were even three dads there with their kids!) seemed to know each other. I talked to a few but didn't exactly strike up any new friendships (yet...maybe there's hope). I think we'll start going each Wednesday or at least every other Wednesday. Plus, our library system has these things all over town. I grabbed a schedule so we can see what other days/times are available. I'm starting to think that one of my solutions to Delaney's scratching problem is to spend more time with her when she's around other kids.

Which leads me to the topic over which I'm sheding tears of frustration: Delaney's scratching (now with added hair-pulling too!). For some reason Delaney's problem, which was starting to get better, began apearing more and more over the last two weeks. Something tells me that the weaning may be involved in her increase in acting out. I think she's having some separation issues and frustration over the weaning but doesn't know what she's feeling or how to express it. On Monday when I went to pick her up from the gym, she was sitting on a chair in "time out."  She'd scratched three kids in one hour. The daycare director told me that the gym's general manager saw Delaney scratch two of the kids and wanted to know how long that's been going on with her. The daycare director basically gave me a gentle warning letting me know that if this doesn't get nipped in the bud soon, they may not let Delaney come back. I was mortified, of course, and angry and sad. We've been working with her on this for nearly 8 months (!!!) and we only see small improvements from time to time but the behavior is always there, even if it's just lurking beneath the surface.

After that episode, I totally dreaded going to The Little Gym on Tuesday, but was relieved when things went so well. I hovered around Delaney constantly but that seems to be part of the key to getting things solved. I reminded her to say, "Hi!" when she approached a baby or kid, thereby putting her focus on her greeting instead of how much flesh she could grab in her little hands. It worked! I did the same thing at the library today and she did a super job of keeping her hands to herself and she played nicely with others. Of course, the whole point of going to the gym is so I can work out and I can't be there with her in the daycare every minute hovering if I'm doing that. So I'm not sure what will happen there. I'm frustrated that the daycare director isn't more understanding, especially since I've tried to enlist the help of the staff there and I've been very upfront about the situation from the beginning. Part of me wanted to tell the director to go f*ck herself, that Delaney and I don't need their stupid gym. But I didn't. I don't want to be that parent--the one who can't take responsibility for her child's actions and for correcting them. I know the director's just doing her job and wants to protect the other kids. It must be frustrating for her to have to explain repeatedly to the parents of the wounded kids that my daughter has this problem we can't seem to solve and their kid got hurt.

I'm not giving up on solving this problem and I'm not going to stop taking her to the gym unless they force me to. I think it's important that Delaney is still placed in situations with lots of kids and adults so she eventually overcomes this. I won't always be right by her side to keep her from scratching. By sending her to the gym, she'll (hopefully?) start to learn from other authority figures that it's not OK to scratch. If I keep her home all the time she won't socialize and play with other kids and I don't think keeping her alone will stop the behavior. The part of the cure of taking her back to the gym is not very palatable to me, but I've got to forge forward on this.

Pass the tissue, please.

The last time

I may have nursed Delaney for the last time this morning. When she woke me up on the monitor it was strangely dark outside because it was raining (something that hasn't happened in months). As I carried her to our bed, I knew that this could be it and that I needed to pay special attention to every moment with her instead of trying to catch a few extra Zzzzz's. I watched over her. Brushed her hair from her face. Stroked her cheek. I locked eyes with her when she looked up at me. I told her how much I love her. And, I simply enjoyed the quiet connectedness we shared. It was a beautiful, intimate moment and if it was to be our last time to be together in this way, I am happy with it.

My "procedure" is tomorrow so I can't nurse her at all. The fortuitous timing of Delaney dropping nursing sessions the week before my date with the booty cam led Roger and me to embark upon Operation Wean. Tomorrow he'll get up with her and take her straight into the kitchen for breakfast instead of into bed with us. Assuming that goes well we'll try again on Thursday and so on for a few days/weeks/whatever it takes for this weaning to stick. The only thing I didn't consider when planning our strategy was that Wizzerbelle is coming Thursday for a visit. Which, is great. We can't wait to see her and we know she'll get a super kick out of seeing all that Delaney's up to. But, it means that Roger and I will be sleeping in Delaney's room (tiny houses suck) so I'm not sure Delaney will want to stick with the whole weaning thing if she sees me right away when she wakes up. We'll just have to see what happens. I'm not going to stress about it. Because if she doesn't wean completely this week it just means that sometime in the near future I'll get to experience another "last time." And as wonderful as this morning's was, that would be a very good thing.

Picture This: Anything Summer

I love the ClubMom blog, Picture This. Tracey's a fabulous photographer who shares tips, tricks and perspectives on photography that I know have improved my picture-taking skills. And, with over 4,000 photos of Delaney in my iPhoto over the course of her 17 months, it's wonderful to have a blog like hers where I can go to get ideas on improving my skills.

So, I was thrilled this morning when I opened up my Bloglines and read in Picture This that the photo I submitted of Delaney won for the "Anything Summer" category of her summer photo contest!

I took this photo early in the summer (on her daddy's birthday, in fact!), before it got too blazing hot to go outside. It was the first time Delaney got to check out her new pool and I luckily captured this shot with my digital Olympus Camedia C-4000 in between her splashing and chatting with us. It truly is a moment captured in time and she looks so grown up to me and not at all like the baby she just was. This photo captures her emergence from baby into the little girl who's now saying things like, "Hold you, Mama" and "Again, again!" It's a beautiful and bittersweet reminder that I need to treasure every moment with her because she's changing so quickly.

Thanks for choosing our photo, Tracey!

No mullets allowed

Against the advice of the voice in my head (Sybil, much?), we took Delaney to get her first haircut. Roger needed one too and we figured she might go for it if Dad went first. She was a champ! Didn't cry at all. And it pleased me that she emerged un-mulleted. You can hardly tell she had a cut, other than the fact that she can see beyond those pesky bangs again.

Roger talked me out of bringing the video cam, so all you get is this dinky slideshow...